mil·i·tar·y prop·a·gan·da n. the systematic propagation of military doctrine or causes.

President assures America, "We will win"

Former cheerleader-turned-president, George Bush, assured the world once again today that "we will win in Iraq," putting to rest any doubts that Americans might have. His Peace through War policy is taking root.

"As each month goes by we've seen a lessening of violence and more and more support by the Iraqi people," said Bush. He frequently likes to show charts of the progress in Iraq, but sometimes gets them turned upside down.

"Condi and my generals tell me that we are winning every day and that soon - perhaps in only seven or eight more years - well have Iraq to where it can stand on its own."

The President reiterated that we will win in Iraq, even if it kills them. We will have order through chaos. Just Kidding

"Left Behind: Whitehouse" and "Survivor-Iraq" lead sweeps ratings

In this seasons televisions sweeps, Left Behind: Whitehouse and Survivor-Iraq have pulled to the tops in their respective categories.

Left Behind leads the way in the news category with actual footage from inside the White House showing how few people disappeared during the rapture on November 7. "We're amazed at all of the folks still here," said one young intern. "It's like, you know, a party."

Survivor continued with a strong showing in the comedy category for the zany antics of contestants on their mad-cap adventure from Mosul to Basra. "Watching their cars hurtle around IEDs is almost as fun as watching Dodgeball," said one viewer.

Meanwhile, newly-minted American citizen Rupert Murdock, has announced that his Fox Broadcasting Company plans to acquire UTube to compete more directly with Google.

Next up, will Oprah's new co-star Kim Jong Il be as antic there as he was in Dancing with the Stars? Just Kidding