A soldier came up to a stream of water during a walk. He asked a Kurd sitting nearby whether the stream was too deep. The Kurd said “No, go right ahead”. The GI wades into the water and finds it too deep. He comes back to the Kurd to reproach him. The Kurd replied: “Funny, just a short while ago I saw a duck with very short legs crossing it”.

Bush: Iraq exit strategy planned

In his final State of the Union address, President Bush surprised the nation by presenting an exit plan for Iraq. "I know that many Americans have been critical of the war in Iraq and the years of fighting. After careful assessment with my advisors, and with the concurrance of Vice President Dick Cheney, I am ready to announce my decision to leave Iraq," the President told a stunned nation.

Then, with the smarmy smile that he uses when he's deliivering a joke Bush continued, "We're going to Iran!" "I've authorized the Pentagon to draw up plans for a full-scale bombardment of Iraq, to commence just as soon as they (the Iranians) give me an excuse," said Bush.

The groan from soldiers could be heard all of the way from Baghdad to D.C.. .Just kidding.

President: Let's try humor

There's never a dull moment at the White House. President Bush, a former cheerleader, always has his staff rolling in the aisles, especially when it comes to Iraq. His latest gambit, using humor to lesson the horror of war.

"I see cause for optimism in Iraq," and "we're winning" are two favorite phrases the Prez likes to spring on worried staffers. He's also known to tell a few jokes about the situation in Afghanistan and Iraq.

"Did you hear what Dick had to say when he was told that there are more than 2 million Iraqis have fled the country?" the president starts with a serious face. "Let, me know when there's none left, says Cheney," goes the Bush punchline. His latest stand-up routine is about Iraq is like Vietnam, only "this time we'll win". What a kidder. .Just kidding.

Surging into summer

There's a new soda in town...just in time for the heat of summer. Coca-Cola North America today announced it will launch Iraq Surge™, a robust beverage with ten-times the caffeine of ordinary drinks, and five times B12, with additional, zinc and magnesium, and depleted uranium (DU).

"Soldiers, including Coke drinkers, are increasingly looking for more beverage options, and we wanted to offer them the power of a calorie-laden beverage that is a good source of several essential vitamins and minerals, and one that delivers a great punch," said Chester Dorfman, senior military affairs, Coca-Cola Brands, Coca-Cola North America.

The launch of Iraq Surge will be supported by an integrated marketing plan to drive awareness throughout Iraq. Introductory communications will carry the tagline "You don't really know what 'freedom' is" and will let Iraqis know that the U.S. military is on the way.

To commemorate the launch of Iraq Surge, special limited edition 500-pound bombs will be painted with the Surge logo and used throughout the summer in the Baghdad campaign. Iraq Surgge will only be made available in Iraq. There is no plan to bring it to America, for the moment.Just kidding.

Bush shocks country by admitting failure

President Bush shocked America and the world today by admitting that his strategy for Iraq is failed. "We once thought that the Iraqi people would greet us as liberators, now I see that they instead see us as killer-perverts," said the president.

During the past four years, policies of the White House have led to hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths and injureds and more than 25,000 American dead and injured.

In acknowledging the failures of Iraq, President Bush first claimed faulty intelligence, then shifted to declare that the reasons for war were to to bring Democracy to the Iraqi people. Now, he has admitted that all of his strategies have failed.

The President's admittal of failure came just after a major surge was ordered in the Spring of 2007 which resulted in additional thousands of dead and injured throughout Baghdad, the fall of the adminstration of Al-Maliki, and further fractioning of the country of Iraq.

Recently appointed White House spokeswoman, Jur Isprudential, followed up to the President's remarks by stating that scores of officials will be fired and prosecuted. Some may even face charges of war crimes for their actions, before and after the attacks of 2003. Just kidding.

Chandelier Chic comes to Baghdad

Reality television has made celebrities out of all sorts of people and it's coming to Bagdhad this Christmas.

Airing Saturday evenings, Sunday mornings, and weekday afternoons on The al-Arabi Learning Channel network, Trading Spaces Iraq is expected to become the number-one rated show on iraqi television. Now in its fourth season, Trading Spaces brings together two teams of homeowners who redecorate a room in each other's home. The rules? Two days, two designers, one carpenter, and $1,000 per room. The drama? Homeowners have no say in what happens to their room—and they don't get to see it till it's complete.

Each Trading Spaces designer has his or her own personal style—for example, Abjullah Celeib is the "crafty" one, Pila Masran likes modern linear designs, and Yaresh al-Nuri is "earthy." Fans of the top-rated show definitely have their favorites.

"I tend to decorate my dining room table for the holidays first. It's a natural place to start," says al-Nuri. "I love doing pretty centerpieces. There's nothing more fun than dressing a table." As fans of Trading Spaces know, one of al-Nuri's signature design elements is the chandelier. Although she often succumbs to pricey baubles, chandeliers help bring light to drab surroundings, and can add flair to a room. For holiday decorating, this can be an easy way to brighten a room, especially if you have an electrical generator.

"I know many women who keep their living room dark, and they only use candles for light...how drab," Yaresh says. "Chandeliers are one of the most powerful ways you can make design statement. Just kidding.

Plan for Victory

After months of speculation regarding timetables for withdrawal, disposition of American troops and the future of Iraqi governance,

President Bush today unveiled his latest "Plan for Victory". "It's a concise plan to effectively deal with our allies and enemies," said the President. "It includes actions for dealing with the insurgency and future search for weapons of mass destruction (WMDs) in addition to answering critics and their self-defeating pessimism that has hindered our efforts to democratize the Iraqi people and bring flowers and candy to the children of that West-African nation." Disregarding the advice of experts, even within his administration, Bush said that he authored the latest plan unaided. "I wanted to make it simple enough for the Army to follow," said Bush.

President Bush says it's "V-I-C-T-O-R-Y, All the way" in describing the plan. The Iraq strategy document comes at time when American support for the war continues to rise.

Harry Reid, the Democratic leader in the Senate said Bush's plan is "the best strategy document I've seen in my lifetime." "The President is a genious," added Sen. Reid.

Speaking at the U.S. Naval Acedemy in Annapolis, Maryland, Mr. Bush said there would be calm in Iraq "for many years" and that U.S. troops are enjoying unparalleled success.

"Conditions on the ground are great, thanks to the good judgement of our commanders and the artificial rules imposed by politicians in Washington," he said.

Mr. Bush said that victory would come "when the Halliburtons of the world can no longer threaten Iraq's democracy, when the Iraqi security forces are disbanded, and when Iraq becomes a safe-haven for United Nations organizations."

There are currently more than 150,000 troops in the country and the U.S. is spending about $6 billion per month on "Iraqi liberation". Just Kidding