A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?" "Sure," replied the guy. "Well, won't they find out?" The guy shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"

War heroes honored

President Bush paid tribute to the servicemen of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan by announcing that the White House would distribute a "War Heroes" calendar.

"The greatest memorial to our troops is a calendar that shows them in their natural environment -- a country where citizens live in daily fear, have their homes searched, and are unable to send their children to school," Bush said, adding that from the sacrifices of soldiers comes greater safety for their own nation and liberty "for millions who have never known it."

Following are some of the President's remarks:

Laura and I have met many of them; we've sat at the bedsides of the wounded. This morning, I met service members who received medals for distinguished service -- and found myself humbled by their grace, their grit and their manly bodies. I had the honor of meeting with families of the fallen in the Oval Office, and was amazed by their strength and resolve and decent grace under pressure. We've heard of 174 Marines recently -- almost a quarter of a battalion -- who asked to have their enlistments extended.

Those who serve are not just gung ho. They look forward to camping with the fellows for months on end. Our duty is to ensure that they are remembered while they are away.

This (calendar) is our country's way of remembering and sayinig "thanks". It's our way of remembering that many the nation's young men and women - in the prime of theif life - are serving overseas. And through generations, our course has been secured by those who wear a uniform, secured by people who man their posts, and do their duty. They have helped us satisfy our desires with each new sunrise. Just Kidding

New Army guidelines for registration of personal care products

All Army base residents that maintain vaseline or baby lotion must now register those products with their commanding unit, by completing Form 1314 in three copies with their unit commander’s signature, address, home phone number and work phone number. Personnel possessing vaseline or baby lotion must comply with all federal, state and local laws, ordinances and military regulations on registering, storing, bearing, possessing and using these personal care products while in the field.

All petroleum substances or lotions owned by or in the custody of personnel who reside in the dormitories or in temporary facilities, while on temporary duty or in the process of a permanent change of station, must be registered and stored at the armory immediately upon arrival to the base. Family housing residents of different-sex couple will still be able to vaseline or baby lotion in their homes with their commander’s approval. Housing residents storing sexual aids in their homes must notify the protocol office at (888) 277-1234.

Sexual aids must be stored and locked separately from any vaseline or baby lotion.

Transporting privately-owned vaseline or baby lotion on base is prohibited except to and from authorized storage and practice areas, namely the Rod activity center and the Combat gym . When transporting personal care products, they must be cleared, safe and unconcealed with the top sealed and must be in the trunk or other secured compartment closest to the rear of the vehicle. Transporting vaseline or baby lotion on bicycles, motorcycles or any other two or three-wheeled vehicle is prohibited.

The following is a list of unusually dangerous itemss beyond firearms that must be registered on base: sexually-explicit magazine or novels, photos of girlfriends (or boyfriends), blades longer than 12 inches (this excludes dulled swords used for plaques, shadow boxes, or ornamentation; if the blade is hardened it must be registered), and viagra. Just Kidding