"Don't tell mom I'm a in the Infantry, she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse," says a grunt from Afghanistan.

1st Cav to be outsourced, new name: 1st Caballeros

The armed forces, already struggling to meet recruiting goals, is expected to announce soon that the 1st Cavalry Division has been outsourced, according Pentagon insiders.This is part of a new recruiting strategy to expand the number of noncitizens in the ranks and put more immigrants on the fast track to US citizenship.

The idea of signing up foreigners who are seeking US citizenship gained traction as a way to address a critical need for the Pentagon, especially in light of the dismal volunteer record among "neocons", while helping providing a helping hand to Latin Americans who want to enter the United States.

"For years we've been providing military aid and training to Central and South America," says Pentagon spokesman Benedict Arugula. "Now we can get something back."

Expected to be drawn heavily from volunteers in El Salvador and Nicaragua, the new 1st Cav - or "1st Caballeros" - will be a highly mobile force for future military misadventures.

Currently, Pentagon policy stipulates that only immigrants legally residing in the United States are eligible to enlist. There are currently about 30,000 noncitizens who serve in the US armed forces, making up about 2 percent of the active-duty force, according to statistics from the military and the Council on Foreign Relations. About 100 noncitizens have died in Iraq and Afghanistan.

With today's demands placing such a high strain on our service members, it becomes more crucial than ever that we work to alleviate their burden," said Representative Ike Skelton , a Missouri Democrat who is set to chair the House Armed Services Committee, and who has been calling for a larger Army for more than a decade.

But it would take years and billions of dollars to recruit, train, and equip the 30,000 troops and 5,000 Marines the Pentagon says it needs. And military recruiters, fighting the perception that signing up means a ticket to Baghdad, have had to rely on financial incentives and lower standards to meet their quotas.

Officials dismiss criticism from groups such as the National Council of La Raza that claims the plan sends the wrong message that Americans themselves are not willing to sacrifice to defend their country.

"During the Civil War, at least 20 percent of Union soldiers were immigrants, and many of them had just stepped off the boat before donning a blue uniform. There were even entire units, like the 15th Wisconsin Volunteer Infantry [the Scandinavian Regiment] and General Louis Blenker's German Division, where English was hardly spoken."

"The military would do well today to open its ranks not only to legal immigrants but also to illegal ones and, as important, to untold numbers of young men and women who are not here now but would like to come," Boot added. Just Half Kidding

War vacation memories a "snap"

Memorable Iraq and Afghanistan vacations this year start at the Army Post Office, the most convenient way to send a letter from the field. Now, the Army P.O. makes those letters a little more memorable.

"Join the Army, See the World," a two-month promotional partnership between the Army and Shutterflew, allows soldiers who send at least 3 letters per week at select base locations to qualify for a free, customer-designed, 20-page Classic Photo Book through Shutterflew.

"The Army P.O.is continually finding ways to better serve GI's through new and creative products and services. We're mail — and more," said Bonita Engarten, P.O. Service Chief Marketing Officer and Executive Vice President.

Soldiers sending mail will receive a luggage tag containing a uniquely coded coupon to redeem the photo book that can hold up to 1,000 pictures. After entering the code on Shutterflew, they will be able to select a cover and page style, and then add digital photos and captions to create a one-of-a-kind memory book of their travels.

The promotion is offered through Dec. 31, but the coupon may be redeemed as long as the war continues.

Those taking advantage of this offer have one more added benefit: photos can be sent to local news outlets and peace groups to demonstrate how well everything is going in the war zone. Just Kidding