Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."

Parents asked to "keep an eye" on children

British Home Secretary John Reid advised Americans today that they need to keep an eye on their children in case they become terrorists. He is asking parents to watch out for any changes in habit, talk to them, and no doubt report them if they are (to paraphrase) up to no good.

Mr Reid's statement has the bejeweled undertone that all children are somehow complicit in terrorist activities and that even if parents knew about them they wouldn't try to stop them. On top of that, Americans are no better than five year old hooligans that need to be taught about social responsibility.

When asked to remember another period in history when family members were asked to spy on each other and then report back any "wrong" behaviour, Mr. Reid said that he couldn't recall any. Just kidding.

New study shows DU as harmless as sugar

A new study by the Project for a New American Century (PNAC) overturns previous research into the effects of Depleted Uranium, or DU, that has been used in recent conflicts in Afghanistan, Bosnia, Kosovo and Iraq.

The report, "DU Claims Exaggerated" concludes that inert DU is no more harmful than table sugar. "Do you think I'm an idiot who would expose troops to danger in Iraq or Afghanistan?" asked Donald Rumsfeld.