The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: "Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men." "What is it?" the officer got interested. "Two hundred soldiers."

"Caveman" campaign debutes

Taking a page from corporate advertising, the U.S. military announced today that it was dropping its "Army Strong" recruiting campaign, less than a year after it was launched.

"We wanted to do something that was hip," said military recruiting spokesperson Nas T Chart. He added that the new campaign using a caveman helps to improve recruiting among cro-magnum types. "Army Strong was good, but not powerful enough a message to send to the insurgents around the world. "We needed to be able to use terms like 'kill, kill, kill,' and 'U dead' and the caveman analogy works much better."

Lt. Gen. Robert L. Twerp, who heads up human acquisitions for the Army, hopes that the new slogan will boost recruiting numbers, that have been decidedly down during the occupations of Afghanistan and Iraq. "We need a marketing boost and previous slogans just don't see to be working," said Twerp.

However, the Association for the Advancement of Cavemen and women (AACW) is protesting the stereotype of the "dumb" caveperson as portrayed by these ads. Ruth B. Hayes, III says that "Cavepersons have a long and exemplar history of contributing to society. We eshew violence and being portrayed as thugs." Various protests by the AACW are planned at recruiting offices around the country. Just kidding.

Army kicks off new recruit campaign

In the war to win turn America's youth into fighting machines, the U.S. Army is replacing its main ad slogan -- "An Army of One" -- with one it hopes will pack more punch: "Army Strong." This $200 million-a-year campaign will be launched Nov. 9, timed to coincide with Veterans Day.

Army officials acknowledge that recruiting during wartime is difficult, particularly with wars in Iraq and Afghanistan grinding on far longer than administration officials expected and U.S. troops dying in battle almost every day. "There's no question that we want to have a marketing boost right now, it's important to us," said Lt. Gen. Robert L. Van Antwerp, who oversees the recruiting effort as commander of U.S. Army Accessions Command.

Taking a page from cheerleader-President Bush, the Army hopes to put more "rah, rah" and gloss into warmaking. The previous slogan seemed to promote the notion of individuality... something the Army doesn't want to foster. "Army of One" was meant to address the view by young people that life in the military is cruel and dehumanizing.

Initial reactions have been mixed. "Hooahh! WOW ..I'm speechless. That is one AMAZING slogan. If not for two small kids and a hubby I would join the Army," said one mother. "Outstanding," said another. "The cut-and-run crowd just got a huge pile of Iraqi and Afghan sand kicked in their eyes." "It'd be perfect if they just changed 'this green earth' to 'God's green earth'.

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